News
Nation Proud Of Self For Watching, Enjoying Original Movie
1+ hour, 31+ min ago (288+ words) WASHINGTON'Patting themselves on the back for seeing a film that was neither a sequel nor a prequel, the U. S. populace announced Wednesday that they were proud of themselves for watching and enjoying an original movie. "Learning the names of characters I'd…...
David Chase Confirms Tony Soprano Died At End Of Every Episode
5+ hour, 42+ min ago (304+ words) NEW YORK'At last providing a definitive answer to fans" endless speculation, Sopranos creator and executive producer David Chase confirmed Tuesday that Tony Soprano died at the end of every episode in the series. "People have been asking me for a…...
Area Child's Drawing Of Family Raises Troubling Questions About Size Of Dad
5+ hour, 42+ min ago (110+ words) The post Area Child's Drawing Of Family Raises Troubling Questions About Size Of Dad appeared first on The Onion. Mom Sends Picture Of Grapefruit To Son Who Sometimes Eats Grapefruit Sniper Takes Out Forklift Operator Within 200 Feet Of Las Vegas…...
Elon Musk Becomes World's First Trillionaire
5+ hour, 42+ min ago (114+ words) The Onion Mom Sends Picture Of Grapefruit To Son Who Sometimes Eats Grapefruit Sniper Takes Out Forklift Operator Within 200 Feet Of Las Vegas Sphere Well Water Still Tastes Like Toddler Crime Scene Fetishist Dusts For Toe Prints Silent Protest Sparks…...
Woman Dives Headfirst Into Thrilling Adventure By Blindly Purchasing Different Apple Variety
5+ hour, 42+ min ago (119+ words) The Onion Mom Sends Picture Of Grapefruit To Son Who Sometimes Eats Grapefruit Sniper Takes Out Forklift Operator Within 200 Feet Of Las Vegas Sphere Well Water Still Tastes Like Toddler Crime Scene Fetishist Dusts For Toe Prints Silent Protest Sparks…...
Mikal Bridges Wakes Up From 4-Day Bender Next To Dead Jimmy Fallon
22+ hour, 20+ min ago (110+ words) The post Mikal Bridges Wakes Up From 4-Day Bender Next To Dead Jimmy Fallon appeared first on The Onion. Mom Sends Picture Of Grapefruit To Son Who Sometimes Eats Grapefruit Sniper Takes Out Forklift Operator Within 200 Feet Of Las Vegas…...
Shams Charania Casually Tells Colleagues He Really Looking Forward To Breaking Michael Jordan's Death
1+ day, 5+ hour ago (110+ words) The Onion Wedding Ring Jammed Into Slot Machine Silent Protest Sparks Silent Debate Sniper Takes Out Forklift Operator Within 200 Feet Of Las Vegas Sphere Dept. Of Tautology Rereleases Report For Second Time Display Of Genuine Enthusiasm Mocked Mom Sends Picture…...
Artist Profile: Olivia Rodrigo
1+ day, 21+ hour ago (131+ words) Singer-songwriter Olivia Rodrigo has released her highly anticipated third studio album, You Seem Pretty Sad For A Girl So In Love. Here's everything you need to know about the artist. Age: 24-year-old Gen Xer Fans Call Themselves: Pitchfork staff writers…...
E. T. Admits Shock At Not Even Being Called For Cameo In "Disclosure Day
1+ day, 23+ hour ago (287+ words) LOS ANGELES'Saying a courtesy call would have been nice even if nothing ever came of it, E. T. told reporters Monday he was shocked at not being contacted by director Steven Spielberg for a cameo in his new sci-fi movie Disclosure Day....
Ariana Grande Fans Slam Body-Shamers For Pointing Out Singer Actively On Fire
1+ day, 23+ hour ago (114+ words) The Onion Sniper Takes Out Forklift Operator Within 200 Feet Of Las Vegas Sphere Well Water Still Tastes Like Toddler Crime Scene Fetishist Dusts For Toe Prints Silent Protest Sparks Silent Debate Dept. Of Tautology Rereleases Report For Second Time Sixth…...